Dude my mom stole all your condoms
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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