You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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