i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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