Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
