this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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