you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
