Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
The air taste purple.
Randomize
