we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
