i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
