That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
