Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
