I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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