Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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