Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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