I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
