I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
