I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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