I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
