I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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