im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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