so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
