I'm sorry my penis didn't work
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
