dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
