I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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