you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
