I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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