remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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