Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
