just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
