made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
