if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Actions speak louder than pants.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
