I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
