So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
