Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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