mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
