i wish peter jackson would direct porn
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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