I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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