i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
