If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
