How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize