Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
