shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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