He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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