Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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