Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
