I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
