Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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