why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
