Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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