ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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