Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk is a universal language darling
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