the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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