Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
