Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
