So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
