please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
