apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
