Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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