my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
