it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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