I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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