She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
