when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
