wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am spending my child support on dildos
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She even gives head with a lisp.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
