Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
