I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
