I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
