you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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