I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
