At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
