I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
