not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
