She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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