I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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