i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
