Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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