I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
