so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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