just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
