It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
