toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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