i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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