I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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