The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize