At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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