Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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