I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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