I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
