There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
