He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
