She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
