As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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