Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
