Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
