I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
