My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
