I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
