I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
