Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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