I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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