Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
