You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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