hotel room ftw
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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