Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
