Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
