i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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